Four Years Ago

Four years ago I lived in Lethbridge.

Four years ago I was a university student.

Four years ago I was in a musical, worked two jobs, and hosted a weekly radio show.

Four years ago I was thin and in shape.

Four years ago I met Tanner.

 

I remember when I first met Tanner. We were at a church dance when I recognized him as an Allred from the Red Deer Stake, where I grew up. We talked for about 30 seconds. Amongst our small talk and his air guitar display, I remember thinking 'This guy is too cool and way too good looking for you Jenny. You don't have a chance. Stop making a fool of yourself and walk away.'  Which is what I did, except that I actually ran away and left he dance altogether. The next couple of weeks, I couldn't shake Tanner from my thoughts. Maybe it was his air guitar skillz (yup, I just used a 'z' there)? Maybe his clear blue eyes? The dimple on his cheek? Whatever it was, it made a lingering impression and I've had a hard time thinking about much else ever since.

We started dating a month later (February 17th) and I fell quickly in love with Tanner. He was smart (Can you say 'smart' in three languages? Because Tanner can!), athletic, spiritual, kind, romantic, very funny, and down right righteous. Does anyone remember making those  lists in their youth titled "My Future Husband". I do. And it was like my list magically floated away in the wind and bestowed all my desired husband qualities on Tanner. Kinda like that scene in Practical Magic, except without the creepy witchy-ness of it (you know the one).

I remember the weekends he would come down to visit. He would come to church and firesides with me and I felt so proud to be the one who got to hold his hand. He was my arm candy and I loved showing him off. I remember when he translated the testimony of a friend of mine from Korean into English. I sat in the congregation, beaming, thinking 'Yup. That's my boyfriend.'

I lot has changed in the last four years. I've graduated from school. I've moved to Edmonton and then Calgary. I've had two daughters. I've gained weight. I've stopped working and become a homemaker. Heck! Even my eye prescription has changed. Sometimes change is hard, and I don't always react in the most appropriate way. "I'm fat!" "I'm bored!" "We're poor!" "I'm a terrible mother!" "I burnt the popcorn!" "Whaaaaaaaa!" Sometimes I even go as far as questioning Tanner's love for me. My (insane) logic is that I'm not the person I was he fell in love with four years ago, how could he still love me now? Again, insane, but it was once a thought. Poor Tanner hears it all and reacts in the best way : He tells me to stop.

It's true that I've changed. I may not be doing the same things I did years past nor do I look the same. Tanner reminds that through all these changes, one thing has stayed constant - his unconditional love for me.

I love Tanner. I love my girls. I love being a wife and a mother. A lot has changed in four years, and I'd like to think that I have - what is that saying? - been changed for good.

 

Yup, that sounds about right.

FYI: The above two portraits are of me. Yes. The first one was my Facebook profile pic when Tanner and I started dating. A couple weeks later, Tanner surprised we with the sketch. He sure knows how to make a gal swoon!